When the Crow flies Straight

By: John Sills

When someone rethinks their life, they go deep.

All of his focus is on the movie of his life. When a crow or any bird flies straight, their focus is on a single point Flying. However, they also are aware of many other details of flying.

I sit and think of right and wrong, good and evil although my opinions are somewhat biased.

I’ve always believed in universal balance, that right actions done for wrong reasons could still be wrong, that sometimes in order to perform true good or evil, one must first do a little of the opposite.

Here recently I have remembered a quote from a movie I put no stock in religion, by religion I have seen sins committed calling it the will of god. True religion is in the mind, and in the heart. It is within Right action and goodness of self. By what we choose to do, each day will make us a good person or not.

There are many lessons I should know. Wisdom I should have, yet I find myself making the same mistakes again.

I wonder if the hardest lessons for us to learn are potentially the ones that we learn the best and understand completely.

Strangely enough, most of my mistakes stem from romantic life. From a need for affection, love spoiled over time, insecurities about me. All these reasons seem to appear in many areas of my life, either subtly or very direct. It has leaded me to be emotionally hurt, emotionally hurt others.

Though my intention was to love, and allow myself to feel loved, things seem to change over time. I have been jealous, resentful, heartbroken, dissatisfied, uncaring, cold, heartless, and many other different qualities.

During the worst of these times, or after the dust from the emotional battle settled. I felt hollow as I do now. My mind still thinks, my heart still feels but it is almost a numb sensation.

For a while this worried me, I felt that something was dying in me, or that my heart was running cold. Then I realized it is a defensive thing. When I feel or when I think it is with such intensity that sometimes being numb is the only way to recover.

Underneath it all, I know I am a good person. I feel regret for the mistakes I made, I ask forgiveness from the universe for those I have hurt or wronged in any way.

Sometimes in the moment, it is difficult to allow such forgiveness, when my sins are all in front of me.

Because of this, I do my best to be honest always, I do not use my gift of words to enslave or ensnare a heart. I bow my head to many I meet, I try to offer respect, compassion and goodness to all those I meet. But as a crow will sometimes lose its way, forget to fly for a single moment, or have to mend a broken wing, so to must I accept that sometimes I will lose my way, or forget my intentions for a single moment, or mend a broken heart along the way.